Except it is exactly what I grew up with, and it is entrenched so deeply in our culture that when you remind a woman that she’s a woman she does worse in math and science evaluations. I know this sounds like something from the 50s. Something that is so deeply a part of me– my love of space, and the stars, and of space launches and Mars missions– must be removed, because it threatens men. Except, in Helen’s world, the fact that I have been a Trekkie and a NASA geek since I was four is wrong. It’s what happens when you’re obsessed with something like space exploration since your earliest memory, like me. Partly because I know more than my husband about the space program. Don’t appear to know more than a man does in world events, the space program, science, or industry. It may be all right to win over a man in English or social studies, but you’re in trouble if you compete with men in math, chemistry, or science. Don’t compete with them for scholastic honors in men’s subjects. First, we get rid of any “strength, ability, competence, or fearlessness.” Then we stop doing anything around the house that could possibly fall inside a “masculine” job– and if we have to do it, we must do it incredibly badly (“do it in a feminine manner” and feminine = incompetent) or our husbands will “never come to our rescue.”ĭon’t compete with men for advancement on a job, higher pay, or greater honors.
#Secret of fascinating womanhood by helen andelin how to
Helen goes on to tell us how to “awaken” our feminine natures, and it’s as easy as 1-2-3. “He does it because you are so afraid, and he is so unafraid.” According to Helen, however, men- all men, not just abusers– do this. He thought my legitimate fear was hysterical, and it made him feel big and bad by comparison. My abuser would do this over and over again- deliberately put me into a situation that made me feel incredibly unsafe, or do something that was life-threatening and ridiculously stupid (like doing donuts in an iced-over parking lot, or nearly breaking my neck on a jet ski), and then get an incredible kick out of my reaction. The last one– fearfulness– pisses me off. fearfulness– “men will, in fact, sometimes take women into danger, just to see how fearful women are.”.tenderness– “crying, were it ever so stupid.”.dependence– “because her whole purpose in life is home-oriented.”.submissiveness– defined earlier in the book as “never having needs.”.weakness– physically weak, incapable of solving physical problems.The next section of the chapter is one of Helen’s lists– all the “characteristics” of a feminine nature:
I wish I could say it doesn’t get any worse. And not only must they feel powerful, they must be powerful, except that is only possible when a woman is incompetent. In this world, the most important thing that must be maintained at all costs is that men feel powerful.
I don’t usually quote this much from the book (mostly because that would get boring pretty fast, but also because I can only legally reproduce so much of it for a critical review), but I thought it was important for all of you to see this, in the full, horrible, stark reality of Helen’s world. The apparent need of the woman for care and protection, instead of arousing contempt for her lack of ability, appeals to the very noblest feelings within him. This feeling of strength and power is one of the most enjoyable he can experience. In the presence of such weakness, he feels stronger, more competent, bigger, manlier than ever. When a man is in the presence of a tender, trustful, dependent woman, he immediately feels a sublime expansion of his power to protect and shelter this frail and delicate creature. It is one of the most uncomfortable and humiliating sensations a man can experience, so that the woman who arouses it becomes repugnant to him. In the presence of such strength and ability in a mere woman he feels like a futile, ineffectual imitation of a man. What happens when the average red-blooded man comes in contact with an obviously able, intellectual, and competent woman, manifestly independent of any help a man can give, and capable of meeting him or defeating him on his own ground? He simply doesn’t feel like a man any longer.
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